Outdoor Discoveries

Embarrassments

Recently, I began to look through my pipeline of trip reports that await completion, and one thought struck me. It seems that my outdoor outings are bedevilled by qualms following interactions with other people. That then means that I leave it a while for emotions to calm before writing full accounts. There is always some censoring that one can do, but it is the prospect of reliving an imperfect encounter that can hold up things, even if it should be the cathartic that moves one beyond the experience.

There are various kinds of these at work here, and the pandemic caused a few spells of awkwardness. One example was when there was a gate that was opened to me that I possibly should have helped to close, given that there was frisky livestock in that field and some overenthusiastic dogs. Fears of contracting infection overruled all of that, and also messed up the giving of directions at one point earlier this year. It also messed up interactions with others, one of whom then thought I was being standoffish and rude. When fear is used to get everyone to be careful, it takes time to move beyond it afterwards.

These things weigh on the mind of a sensitive and shy individual who does not want to have his fumbles on view to others. Getting disoriented on other people’s land is one of them, and it got me shouted at by someone on a quad bike quite a few years ago. People generally are helpful, though, but a lot can be read from a tone of voice. Even there being a loud barking dog next to a public right of way can be off-putting, leading one to think that it was kept there for a reason.

Conflict is one thing that I like to avoid as much as possible, though that can be trickier with multi-user areas and misuse of rights of way. During the pandemic, many off-road bike riders began to use public footpaths, and this led to something of a stand-off this past spring. While cyclists may want access to all public rights of way, there is something very liberating to use one where you do not have to think about being knocked over by someone else. It can be the case that off-road cycling becomes a menace to other outdoor enthusiasts and takes away a lot of the relaxation and enjoyment that should be offered.

While one should be fully present out of doors, there is the possibility of lapsing into daydreaming and then walking past someone who knows you. It becomes more difficult when neither of you have met for a while, and they recognise you without your recognising them. So, when you walk past them, then they might be offended by it. Sometimes, the passage of time might mean that both of you have changed so much that there is nothing much in common any more, so a conversation may not work anyway.

At the heart of all this essentially is fear, mainly that of upsetting others. Clearly, no one gets it right all the time, so there is a need to accept what happens and to let go of any worries that arise. It not only can delay writing trip reports, but it also can forestall outings if not kept in check. Still, there is a positive energy in all of this because it can motivate one to go to quieter places so that solitude can work its restorative magic.

Yearning

We live in stormy times and stormy weather has been our lot in recent days. There also is a wintry feel since snow is falling in places as I write these words. Often, I have written here about the storms of life with the understanding that being out in nature is so restorative.

That has been the refrain from John Muir and so many others. We hear in the outdoor press about those who are unhappy in their everyday life and then leave that after them, at least for a while, to take on an outdoors challenge. That also features in the stories of people like Elise Downing who ran around the coast of Britain and became a Silver winner in The Great Outdoors Awards for her book Coasting. Some even have followed this kind of endeavour by changing their whole lifestyles.

The subject of soothing solitude has been mentioned in my writings numerous times and is one of the motivations for my excursions into nature. The landscapes may be human-influenced in so many ways yet it is their present-day emptiness that draws me. It might my introversion but I relish being away from others for periods. It certainly has drawn me out in wilder lands in Scotland and England but it also has its limitations.

Dependence on incursions into emptier lands still does not eliminate dependence on others. First of all, they need to be conserved but there are other things too. Political developments can affect them and my reverence for the Scottish Highlands and Islands made me emotionally vulnerable in 2014 when Scotland was debating its constitutional future. That led me to look elsewhere.

Unfortunately, that too can be bedevilled by global events like the ongoing pandemic and geopolitical tensions in different places. Developments like Britain’s exit from the European Union can unsettle as well. In many ways, this demonstrates the problems with having oases and havens outside of oneself. Going elsewhere for peace and healing can be forestalled by other intrusions all too easily.

At the start of 2020, I was reading Anthony Storr’s Solitude and the enduring lesson from that book was the power of interior self-efforts. That certainly has for me been an ongoing effort in life when solitude allowed me to heal enough during a career break to go back to working again and get through an emotional period in my work life. The same could be said for dealing with grief, loss and upheaval since the passing of my parents who thankfully were spared the travails of the pandemic and other intrusions.

It has taken interior efforts to deal with the fear and restrictions of the pandemic too. Initially, I was left floundering and a heavy withdrawal from caffeine consumption lasted several months but has left me sleeping more soundly nowadays. It took me a while to find again the relaxing effects of outdoor wandering and I will not forget the benefits of a circular stroll from home in May 2020 that took in Croker Hill, Bosley Reservoir, Bosley and Gawsorth in what was a wider sweep than I recognised at the time.

Books feature in interior journeys too and they certainly do in my case. Peaceful, evocative descriptions of nature have been mentioned in other postings that you will find here but there has been another strand to this over the last twelve months that may make some readers feel awkward. That has gone along the paths of faith and spirituality. Authors like John Barton, Karen Armstrong and Edward Feser have been on the left-brained portion of this reading ramble but it has taken a more mystical turn with authors like Richard Rohr, John O’Donohue and others that I have yet to read. This is experiential reading with a little more than what you might find in nature or travel writing.

That is not to say that I have abandoned nature writing because it deals with bodily sensing but that it has taken more of a backseat for now. There is a whole body of writing that awaits experiencing and brings its share of helpful peace, healing and meaning. To mention this is to bare my soul a little yet it could influence how I approach my wanderings and show them in a different light. The wonder of nature and the way that light falls on a landscape remains attractive for me but this may be encountered in a more holistic mindset.

Too often, I have felt that some frame outdoor activity too superficially and focus on their efforts to the point of disregarding their surroundings. That makes me look at the athleticism of some as being too shallow an existence when a more transcendental experience is possible. Certainly, that follows from the thinking of people such as John Muir and Henry David Thoreau as well as even the likes of Ralph Waldo Emerson. Physical condition and skillfulness remain important but they need to serve some higher purpose.

For many people, this involves being with others and adding the ambience of nature’s wonders to this certainly enhances that. That is good in itself but there is something about being alone in a landscape that it soothes and heals with its peacefulness. There are times when apparent absence is full of presence and becomes what is needed by a stressed and overwhelmed soul.